


Your Ghost

by wantisamlindyla



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-02-24 15:49:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13217004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wantisamlindyla/pseuds/wantisamlindyla
Summary: New York, 1999.He wanted her to live again, even if she could only come back to him through the pages of a book.





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hi all. This is AU, Mileven, takes place 15 years after Eleven disappeared. Most of season 2 still happened, but there was no Mike/Eleven Reunion at the end of episode 8. 

 

28 October 1999

 

“Ladies and gentlemen thank you for coming here today. There will be a book signing of this amazing book after this session. Now, the reason for why we are all here today, and why some of you have been lining up outside the venue all night, is currently backstage, waiting patiently for me to stop nerding out and pull myself together to introduce him!

After publishing his first novel and topping the New York bestseller’s list at only the age of 23, he is here tonight to talk about his newest novel, titled the Ides of Winter, and the third book in the world famous Montauk series. Everybody, please join me in welcoming to the stage, Michael Wheeler!”

***

It was one month and 17 days into the book tour. Mike had one more stop in New York before he could call it a day and go home.

He was so goddamned tired, he still had several book signings, an interview with the New Yorker (with that pretentious prig, Howell), a TV appearance on the Today Show, and, a few radio interviews, before he can escape back to the Lake house in Lovell, Maine which he now called home.

It’s not all bad news though. New York means seeing Will again for the first time since Christmas.

Not that Mike has completely lost all touch with his old friends, quite on the contrary. 

After graduating from a fine arts course at his brother’s alma mater, NYU, Will had decided to stay in the city. He’d eventually landed an unpaid internship at a small start up animation studio. Now Will split his time travelling back and forth from California to New York as the head character designer on a number of superhero animated cartoons that Mike watched religiously on Saturday mornings.

It wasn’t hard to stay in touch with Will, it was just that this last year had been manic. Mike had barely fit in time for sleep what with working frantically to get his novel finished, having to attend stressful and tense meetings with his editor, forcing himself to return his lawyers’ phone calls about a copyright infringement litigation his publishers had commenced on his behalf, and having to deal with ideas about for the short story anthology he had been working on springing up at the most inconvenient times.

He and Will still managed to talk every other day though, either by telephone or AIM.

Ever since Nancy and Jonathan officially became a couple around Christmas of ‘84, Jonathan and Will became regular dinner guests at the Wheeler residence. He and Will had become almost inseparable, more than anybody in the party.

During his parents’ divorce, which took place during Mike’s sophomore year of high school, with Nancy and Jonathan away at college, Mike spent more and more time at the Byers’ residence, trying to escape the tensions at home, right up until he left for college in ‘89.

At college, Mike made new friends, attended dumb keg parties, dated girls, but he never lost touch with Dustin, Will, Lucas, or Max.

You didn’t help save the end of the world with your friends, twice, and then drift away from them over trivial things like distance and attending different colleges.

In fact, Mike had just met up with Dustin only a few months ago. Dustin had been in Maine for some reason connected with his annoyingly mysterious job.

After Dustin had graduated from MIT he had immediately been recruited by a secretive tech company in California. Dustin couldn’t talk about where he worked or what he did at his job. Whenever people asked him where he worked he’d tell them Cyberdyne Systems with a straight face.

He and Dustin had attended the Phantom Menace premiere together with Dustin’s then-girlfriend, Cindy. The boys had left the movie theatre deflated and heartsore while Cindy had tried valiantly to console them by saying all the wrong things.

Dustin called Mike a few weeks later to inform him that he and Cindy were no longer going out.

“I had to dump her Mike, she said she thought Jar Jar Binks was cute. Also she refused to share her food with me when we went out.”

“So?”

“So? So? It’s weird. We go out for Italian and I end up having to eat an entire Pepperoni pizza on my own, which I don’t really mind, but then her ravioli looks good too, but she won’t let me have any because she likes us to have our own meals. And don’t even get me started on that time I took her to Wang’s Treasure Palace.” 

Besides those occasional and surprising visits during the year there was always Christmas and New Years at Lucas and Max’s place to look forward to.

Of all of them only Lucas and Max had opted to return to Hawkins. Lucas quit his mechanical engineering job and got a position as an assistant professor, teaching at the community college only after a few years in Chicago. Max got a job as a mechanic at a garage. They bought a house, got married, and got busy starting a family.

Mike smiled at the memory of last year’s Christmas.

He’d practically lived at Lucas and Max’s house the whole time he was there since the picture perfect Wheeler family Christmases that his mom had worked so hard to create during his childhood was now only a distant memory.

Nancy preferred to spend her Christmases in New York with Jonathan and Mrs Byers. The Wheeler home had been sold a few years ago when Holly had left to go to college. Holly preferred to spend her holidays in Chicago with her boyfriend’s family.

His mom was away on another cruise, and, his dad was busy with wife number two.

So, Mike spent his Christmas and News Years at the Sinclairs. He’d taught their three-year-old son, Robbie, how to build a snowman. He conducted a twelve-hour D & D Campaign, pelted Dustin with snowballs, watched a pregnant Max eat all the ice-cream and listened to her complain about how gassy pregnancy made her, watched a star wars marathon and gorged on pizza on Christmas day (just because Max was the only girl in the party did not mean that she would be cooking and cleaning for four man-child wastoids who liked to mooch off her and Lucas). 

Mike considered a detour to Hawkins for a visit after New York so he could meet the newest addition to the Sinclair family, baby Grace, who was about to turn 6 months old. He decided to bring it up with Will tonight at dinner.

Mike pulled himself back to the present and to the interviewer who was introducing him to her broadcast audience. 

“You’re listening to Terry Gross on Fresh Air. Joining us today is Michael Wheeler, author of the best selling book series, Montauk. The series is set in the 60s, in the small town of Montauk in upstate New York, the town is haunted by the misdeeds of its occupants.

The main protagonist is Millie, a brave young girl, with a few secrets of her own.

When Millie’s best friend, Noah, goes missing in mysterious and sinister circumstances, she sets out on a journey into the woods near the town to find him. The first two books in the series have already sold over 80 million copies worldwide and a movie adaptation of the first novel is currently in the works. The third book in the series, Ides of Winter, was released recently.

Michael was only 23 when the first novel in the series was published. He was awarded the Hugo Award for best new author in ‘95 and he has been named one of Time’s most influential people of the year. Michael thank you so much for joining us today.”

“Of course, thank you for having me.”

Terry was one of the best interviewers Mike had the pleasure of meeting. Her soft spoken and inquisitive questions put him immediately at ease, so much so that so he almost forgot he was being interviewed on radio.

He didn’t forget to lie though.

When Terry asked him about where he’d drawn inspiration from for his twelve-year-old girl protagonist, he told her Millie was a blend of himself and the two sisters whom he’d grown up with.

When Terry asked him what drew him to the supernatural and horror themes prevalent in his novels, he only talked about the books and authors he’d read growing up.

“Michael, my favourite chapter of your second novel is the Cave of Horrors. I’m sure you get that a lot. I just wanted to ask you about that chapter, because it’s pivotal, its when Millie comes to believe that she may have truly lost her friend forever, and you write so well about grief, and loss, and the trauma associated with that at such a young age. I guess what I wonder is, was this kind of loss something you had experience with?”

Mike pauses for a long moment.

He didn't know what it was, perhaps it was the kindness in Terry’s voice.

Maybe it was the year he’d just had, it’d been especially difficult. 

Maybe it was the tour.

Maybe it was the thought of that big empty lake house waiting for him at the end of the tour.

Maybe he was just so tired of the lies and the bullshit. He didn’t really even understand why he still did it; it’s as natural as breathing, but its been almost 15 years. All the men who could punish him or his friends for saying the wrong thing were long gone.

He didn't know why or what it is, but all of a sudden his chest feels as if it’s been cracked wide open and its like everyone can see the wound inside him, vulnerable and raw as the day it happened.

He was twelve years old again, he could smell the tang of blood and the smoke of ashes that had never touched fire. He could hear the violent and desperate screams of a dying creature ringing in his ears and in between darkness and the flickering fluorescent lights, he sees her eyes, tired, resigned, and filled with pain.

Goodbye Mike.

He had wanted her to live again, even if she could only come back to him through the pages of a book.

So he’d saved her the only way he knew how. He brought her back by writing about her, and by having people read his book and growing to love and adore Millie, the brave and wonderful girl that would face monsters and death in order to save her friends. 

“I….I lost a friend when I was a kid Terry. I don’t really speak about it often. But the way that it happened….it was violent and sudden. I don’t think I was able to come to grips with it for many years. It’s hard to admit sometimes, I think I lie to myself about it, but so much of her is in my writing.”

Terry nodded thoughtfully even though though the gesture wouldn't be captured by the microphone.

“And did writing help you with dealing with that loss?”

Mike answered, “I don’t know. Some days I think it’s made it worse, because she’s with me, everyday. I live and breathe the the loss through my work."

"But its just become inseparable from me, the pain. I think it’s just like an arm, or a leg. You heal, but you’re not ever the same. And you never really forget what you lost.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

El was pulled out of her restless sleep by her alarm clock.

 

She lay there for a moment, her eyes adjusting to the early morning light filtering through her thin curtains.

 

She had visited Mike last night in her sleep.

 

She hadn’t done that for a long time now.

 

He’d been sitting alone in a bar nursing a beer, listening to someone play old love songs on a piano. He’d stayed there long after the music stopped and the bartender’s shift ended and the bar emptied of people.  

 

She’d sat there on an empty stool next to him, not doing anything, just watching his dear, sad face and feeling that familiar mixture of longing and hurt.

 

El sat up in bed slowly.

 

She wiped away the tears on her face.

 

 

***

**15 years earlier  
**

_Papa had taken her sister._

_She had only been able to watch in terror as Papa walked into the warehouse while the police searched the place, room by room._

_Her sister’s eyes had widened at the sight of the man who had called himself their father._

_Kali kept El and her friends hidden from sight even as she revealed herself to Papa._

_“I have waited for this day for a very long time you son-of-a-bitch.” Kali raised her hand to point a gun at his head._

_Then something had happened to her sister._

_She had frozen in place, her finger unable to press the trigger. El looked around the room frantically trying to see what caused her sister to freeze like that._

_Then El’s eyes had fallen on a young man, older than both El and her sister, who was standing next to Papa, his nose bleeding, eyes blazing and trained on Kali._

_El had only been able to watch in horror as other men in suits walked up to her sister and efficiently jabbed a needle into her sister’s neck._

_Kali used all her strength to keep El and her friends hidden from sight even as the drugs they had injected into her made her crumple to the ground, she’d been unable to move a muscle, only her eyes remained wide open and locked on El._

_El fled._

_She ran as fast as she could away from the warehouse, away from her Papa, away from the brother she had never known existed. She was terrified that either of them would follow her and take her the same way they had taken her sister._

_Kali was gone now, and El had arrived at the Byers’ home just in time to save her friends._

_El retreated into the woods, blood streaming from her nose as she watched Mike, Hopper and her friends spill out onto the Byers’ porch._

_The monsters were dead. Hopper and her friends were safe._

_El had a gate to close then she would disappear forever._

_She knew now, she knew she would never be safe, Mike and Hopper would never be safe. Papa would always be there, always watching, and waiting._

_Papa had other children, and not all of them had broken free of him._

_She turned away and started to walk when she heard a twig snap behind her._

_She spun back around._

_It was Mike. He peered into the darkness cautiously, he didn’t have a flashlight this time, otherwise it would have landed right on her._

_El froze. It was too dark for him to see her where she stood hidden in the shadow of the trees._

_“El?”_

_The hope she saw on his face felt like a knife between her ribs. She stayed as still as possible, not even daring to breath. Then the moment was over. Hopper appeared beside Mike and clapped a hand on his shoulder._

_“Go back inside, it’s not safe outside.”_

_“What happened to the rest of them?”_

_“I dunno kid, but let’s just play it safe huh? Go back inside.”_

_Mike looked at her direction again, but then, after a beat he turned and walked back to the house._

_Hopper watched him go, then he startled her by saying, “I don’t know what you’re planning kid, but go wait in the truck for me ok?”_

_El cleared her throat to speak, everything took extra effort. Her throat and her lungs felt sore from holding back tears._

_“Hop…I have to go now.”_

_“You’re not going to be able to get inside the lab without some backup kid. Will you trust me on that?”_

_El paused. She did trust Hopper. All this time, she had blamed him for keeping her away from Mike, but she had been stupid. He had been right to try to keep her inside the cabin, he’d been trying to keep her safe._

_“Yes.”_

_“Good, now wait until I’m back in the house and then wait for me in the truck. Whatever you need to do, we’ll do it together._

***

 

 

“Hey Jane, is it ok if I take off?” El emerged from the back room of the small bookshop to find Maddie shrugging into her coat.

 

“Oh, are you asking me?” El asked sardonically.

 

Maddie pouted, pulling her long blonde hair out from where it had gotten caught under the collar of her coat. “Come on Jane, it’s already 6, I need time to get dolled up for my hot date tonight. This could be _el Uno_.” Maddie wriggled her eyebrows suggestively at El.

 

El was unmoved. “You said that about the one last week as well,” she replied. “When do I get to be the one to take off early and you get to stay back and close up?”

 

Maddie unpinned her name tag and tossed it into her handbag. “Maybe if you ever went out on a date.”

 

“I can’t, you’re already dating all the men in the city. See you tomorrow. Don’t call me when he’s trying to murder you.”

 

Maddie laughed, “I’ll just tell him my friend’s dad is a NYPD detective with a bigass gun. Oh…wait, you’ve got dinner with your dad tonight right?” Maddie looked at El uncertainly, the laughter on her face fading.  

 

El signed and made a shooing motion with her hands. “It’s fine, he’ll be running late.” 

 

El closed up the bookshop by herself after Maddie took off.

 

She preferred to close up the shop by herself anyways. Once she had bolted the door and drawn the window shades, the vacuum cleaner hoovered the floors on its own while El concentrated on re-stacking the tallest bookshelves without the use of a ladder.

 

Once she was done, she locked the doors, bundled herself up in her coat and scarf, and walked to the subway station a few streets over. An announcement came over the loudspeaker system to inform passengers that the Northbound express would be running 10 minutes late.

 

El reached into her bag and pulled out her worn and dog-eared copy of the first novel in the Montauk series.

 

She had already finished the newest addition to the book series. She was now rereading the series again for what was probably the hundredth time, starting from the beginning.

 

The book fell open on its own to the dedication page, which simply read, “ _For El_.”

 

She swallowed, closed the book, put it away in her bag, and stared moodily at the opposite platform.

 

After Hopper and El had left Hawkins she had stopped her visits to Mike.

 

A clean break, was how Hopper had described it.

 

But some nights, and without meaning to, El found herself in the void with him.

 

There didn’t seem any pattern to her visits. Sometimes they happened a few nights in a row, or, she could go nearly a year without a visit to him.

 

Most nights she just watched him sleep, watch television, or, working on his computer.

 

Other times, she would find him as she had last night, nursing a beer and brooding, or, out on a late night walk.

 

Mike really liked to take long walks. Sometimes, she would walk with him until dawn broke over the lake where he lived. She'd watch the sunrise with her old friend and when she woke the feeling of peace and contentment lingered with her for a long time.

 

Some nights, when she visited him, he hadn’t been alone. On those mornings she woke up sobbing and curled up into the fetal position feeling wretched and angry with herself for having visited at all.

 

El was pulled out of her thoughts by the arrival of the train. She alighted at the Canal Street station and emerged into the bustling, noisy streets of Chinatown.

 

El loved how the city swallowed her up. She was nobody, just another girl bundled up in a coat and scarf hurrying along the street and trying to get to her destination to escape the chilly October air.

 

Her dad was already waiting for her at their usual table in the Chinese restaurant. “Hey,” El greeted him, unwinding her scarf and shrugging off her coat, “You’re on time. For once.”

 

Hopper took a swig from his beer. “Yeah, well it’s been known to happen.”

 

“Did you order the orange chicken?”

 

“Yeah, and the black bean pork ribs.”

 

El took a seat and considered her dad. He looked tired.

 

“How’s Joyce?”

 

He shrugged, “Fine.”

 

El hid a smile, he was always gruff and monosyllabic when she asked about his love life.

 

She thought it was wildly romantic that after so many years, her dad and Joyce Byers had reconnected after she had moved to the city to join Will and Jonathan and the two had recently started dating.

 

Sometimes she wondered if Hopper had stayed in Hawkins instead of moving to the city to take her into hiding, whether he and Joyce would have settled down earlier. The thought made her wistful, and she considered her dad. Even though he was in his mid-fifties he was still broad, strong, and, intimidating as ever.

 

He looked tired though. Too many late nights studying case files of missing kids.

 

He was long overdue some uncomplicated happiness in his life.

 

“Joyce mentioned she wants me to spend Christmas with her and the boys this year.” Hopper sounded pained.

 

El knew the source of her dad’s pain was the worry that as his relationship with Joyce grew more serious, the strain of having to keep the part of his life where he had a daughter separate and secret from the part of his life with Joyce took a toll on him.

 

El smiled, “I hope you told her yes.”

 

Hop grunted and played fiddled with his beer bottle, “What and dump you on Mia? She already thinks I’m the worst parent in the world.”

 

Mia was El’s neighbour. She was an Italian grandmother who had decided 12 grandchildren was not enough and had promptly adopted El a few months after she had moved into Mia’s building.

 

El took the hand which wasn’t occupied with a beer bottle and squeezed it. “I want you to spend Christmas with Joyce. What else are you going to do instead? Watch Frosty the Snowman with me and then fall asleep on the couch like you do every year? Besides, I’ll have Mia and her homemade pannetone. Just because I’m going to die alone doesn’t mean you should too.”

 

Hop sent her a funny sideways glance, “Yeah about that,” he reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out two slips of paper. He slid them across the table to her. “Your admirer wanted me to give you these.”

 

El pushed her glasses up her nose to peer down at the slips of paper. It was two movie tickets to a classic horror double feature at the Sunshine Theatre on Halloween night.

 

“Oh.” El felt herself flushing pink.

 

“Hasan said that if you’re interested he could take you to that ramen place he told you about before the movie,” Hopper said casually.

 

She was grateful for the arrival of the food which kept her from answering. She concentrated on picking up noodles with her chopsticks and depositing them neatly into her bowl.

 

El had met Hasan a few years ago at a small party she had thrown for Hop’s 50th birthday. Hasan worked in forensics. He was extremely good looking. He was tall, doe eyed, had long eye lashes, and, a very nice smile.

 

She’d run into him again by accident last week at the diner across the road from Hopper’s precinct where she had been meeting her dad for lunch. The two had hit it off talking about their love for 80’s horror films.

 

“He’s a nice kid.” Hopper continued, “Just your type too.”

 

El ignored him. It was a running joke that only Hopper found amusing.

 

During the only two years of high school she had attended, and during college, she had demonstrated a tendency to gravitate towards tall, lanky and nerdy boys.

 

They both knew where her preference came from, but the source of her fondness for these shy, sweet natured boys was never explicitly acknowledged by either of them by tacit agreement.

 

El took the tickets and slipped them into her purse.

 

***

 

Hopper dropped her off home after dinner.

 

Home was a tiny apartment at the top of a six floor walk-up. She had a tiny kitchen and living area, one bedroom with a connecting bathroom that only one person could fit in at any one time.

 

She loved her apartment. The main window in the living room opened up to the outdoor fire escape, she liked to sit outside on the stairs during the warmer months reading and listening to the city sounds and enjoying the evening breeze.

 

There was a claw-foot bathtub in the bathroom which had been chipped and worn when she first moved in. Hopper had helped her resurface and restore the tub so she could spend evenings soaking in it with a glass of wine.

 

Most importantly, there was Mia.

 

El found a little post-it note stuck on her front door which read simply, ‘ _Coffee cake._ ’

 

El jogged lightly one floor below to Mia’s apartment. She knocked lightly and almost immediately, the door swung open to reveal Mia’s 13-year-old granddaughter Sienna.

 

“Hi Jane!” Sienna beamed at El. She waved her copy of Ides of Winter which El had given her last week. “I’ve finished it!”

 

El smiled, “Wow! That was fast!” She stepped into the apartment. Mia had one of the larger apartments in the building which was big enough for a dining table which could be extended to seat eight people comfortably but which usually sat 14 people elbow to elbow during Mia’s weekly Sunday night dinners.

 

Mia poked her head out from the kitchen to see El shrugging out of her coat. “Jane, come, sit. You want coffee with your cake?”

 

“Decaf if you have it.”

 

El greeted Gio, Mia’s husband, who was reclined in his armchair watching the Late Show. Gio waved at El and turned his attention back to the TV.

 

El took a seat at the empty dining table covered with a plastic tablecloth of pink and blue flowers, a few moments later, Mia had efficiently placed a large slice of a homemade coffee cake and a cup of coffee in front of her.

 

Sienna sat next to El talking a mile a minute about her favorite parts of the novel as El savored the homemade cake.  

 

“…And Elaine at school told me her uncle is going to take her to see the author on Halloween night at a book signing at Borders! She said there is going to be a dress up party at the book signing and she’s dressing up as Millie!”

 

El felt some of that anxiety she had been started feeling the past few days flood through her body, she felt suddenly on the verge of tears.

 

Mike was in the city.

 

Every time she turned a corner she felt her heart beating faster, both wanting and fearing that he would be right there in front of her.

 

She wondered if he would recognize her now if he saw her. Maybe he would just walk right past her and keep on going.

 

Sometimes, she tried to comfort herself by telling herself that the boy she had known had grown up.

 

He had changed, he had moved on. They would be strangers to one another.

 

Maybe it would be easier if he hadn’t published those books. 

 

It was hard to lie to herself after she had read his first book. She hadn’t been able to stop weeping for days. She’d be attending to customers at work and then she would suddenly burst into tears.

 

It was as if he had slit his veins open and bled all over the pages of that book.

 

Even after all these years, all this time, he had never let her go.

 


	3. Chapter 3

****

**_15 December 1984 - Day 399_ **

 

_ Mike was playing with his Super Comm in the fort when Nancy found him. _

 

_ He was flipping from channel to channel aimlessly when Nancy knelt down and ducked her head under the blanket. “Hey,” she said gently. _

 

_ “Hey.” Mike looked up at his sister. Her hair was still curly and pinned back in an updo, but she’d scrubbed her face clean of makeup and switched her dress for pyjamas. _

 

_ “I think your friends missed you tonight at the dance.” _

 

_ Mike just shrugged. “I didn’t really see the point in going. We didn’t go any of the previous years.” _

 

_ Nancy refrained from reciting a list of reasons why he should have gone to the Snow Ball as his parents had during dinner last night. She just watched her brother closely. _

 

_ “Are you ok?” _

 

_ Mike frowned in confusion. “Me? I’m fine, what about you? Barb’s funeral was yesterday.” _

 

_ Nancy shook her head. “I’m fine. It’s really her parents that are grieving. It happened a year ago for me you know? But for them...I guess when she disappeared they still had hope, but now...it’s like they’ve lost her all over again.” _

 

_ Mike listened to her intently, taken aback by the fact that Nancy was telling him all this. _

 

_ “You know,” Nancy continued, “I was just…sad for so long after it happened. Then all I felt was angry, angry at myself, angry at Steve, angry at Mom and Dad. I felt like I needed someone to blame. But yesterday at her funeral…all I felt was…peace. Like wherever she is…she’s ok, you know what I mean?” _

 

_ Mike nodded. He could definitely relate to the feelings of anger and the powerlessness Nancy had just described. _

 

_ “Yeah, I mean, sure. What you and Jonathan did, getting the lab shut down.” He smiled at his sister, “It was ballsy, and brave. What you guys did for Barb…and Will, it was good.” _

 

_ Nancy looked at him seriously, “We did it for El too,” she said. _

 

_ Mike stared at her. _

 

_ “I’m really sorry I haven’t been around much for you this year Mike. I know it’s been hard on you, I should have made more of an effort to be here for you. It didn’t really hit me until tonight. I was watching Dustin, Lucas, and, Will, dancing and goofing off and I realised that it wasn’t just me who lost Barb, you lost someone last year too.” _

 

_ Mike didn’t say anything, he couldn’t. He looked down at the Super Comm in his hands, desperately trying to stop the dam that was building in his chest. _

 

_ Nancy didn’t say anything. She sat there on the basement floor next to him and waited patiently. _

 

_ Finally, Mike raised his head and said tearfully, “I used to get this feeling…she was with me. All year, at random moments, I’d get this prickling feeling on my neck or this funny feeling in my stomach, like she was right there in front of me. Sometimes I thought I could see her. I thought I was going crazy. But now I can’t feel her anymore. Ever since that night the thing came out of Will and Hopper said that somehow forced the Gate shut. I’ve…I’ve lost her. She’s really gone.” _

 

_ As soon as the words came out of his mouth he burst into tears. Huge, gulping, painful sobs tore out of his chest. Mike realised he hadn’t cried at all since that night when his mom had arrived at the school in a panic and pulled him into her arms. _

 

_ All this time, he’d been holding onto hope that El wasn’t truly gone, that she would find her way back to him somehow. _

 

_ A long time later, he realised that he’d crawled into Nancy arms. She clung onto him tightly, tears slipping silently down her cheeks.  _

 

_ “She’s really gone isn’t she?” Mike asked Nancy fearfully. “I don’t know if she’s at peace or not, how do I know?”  _

 

_ Nancy sniffled and brushed her brother’s messy hair away from his forehead like she had done when he was much younger. _

 

_ “Maybe...El really was with you, this whole time. Maybe she was too scared to move on….but… now the Gate’s closed, and she knows we’ll all be safe from the monsters. And she doesn’t want you to feel sad for her anymore so she decided to move on.” _

 

_ Mike rested his head on her shoulder, listening to his sister’s steady heartbeat and her words. He wanted it to be true but at the same time he was also frightened she was right, that El had left and walked by herself into the dark, some place he couldn’t follow.  _

 

_ He asked Nancy something he’d been turning around in his mind for over a month, but too afraid to voice in case it sounded insane. _

 

_ “Nancy…do…do you think it was her that stopped those demodogs outside Will’s house that night?” _

 

_ Nancy didn’t say anything for a while. She considered it. “You mean…like her ghost?” _

 

_ Mike sniffed and wiped at his face, “Yeah.” _

 

_ “Maybe. It could have been. I mean…with all the crazy shit we’ve seen…who knows right?” _

 

_ Mike laughed, “Yeah, right.” He felt a bit better, cleansed somewhat by his tears. “Thanks Nance.”  _

 

_ Nancy smiled at him, “You’re welcome. I just want you to know I’m here for you ok?” _

 

_ “Ok.” She squeezed him in a tight hug and then she left.  _

 

_ Mike stayed in the fort by himself a while longer. Then, he stood up slowly, and he started taking apart the blanket fort bit-by-bit.  _

 

_ He folded up the bed sheets carefully and laid them on the chair. He, rolled up his sleeping bag, placed the cushions back on the couch and took the heavy books he had used as weights and stacked them neatly back on the desk.  _

 

_ “Goodbye El.”  _

 

***

 

Mike was just stepping out of the shower when he heard his phone ringing. He dashed out of the bathroom clad only in a towel to grab his phone. “Hello?” 

 

It was Lola. 

 

“Hey, did I wake you?” 

 

Mike checked his watch. It was 3 am in the morning in San Francisco. 

 

“No, not at all.” 

 

“How’s the tour? Where’d they put you up?” 

 

Mike looked out the window of his hotel room onto 58th street which was already teaming with people at six in the morning. “The Plaza.” 

 

Lola gave a low whistle. “Jesus. What I wouldn’t give for four walls and a private bathroom.”

 

Mike had started dating Lola about a year ago. She was the lead singer of a rock band that was on tour 8 months of every year so she spent most of her time on the road in a tour bus with five of her bandmates. 

 

They’d met at a mutual friend’s party where Mike had been intrigued by her tattoos and she had made fun of the way Mike wore his shirts; buttoned up and tucked neatly into his jeans. 

 

“Did you just finish up? How was tonight’s show?” Mike inquired. 

 

They spent a minute catching up. 

 

His dinner with Will had been postponed until tonight, they were going to a sushi bar in the West Village. 

 

Lola was frustrated with the gigs their manager was booking for them. 

 

Mike was probably going to head to Indiana for a few days after New York. 

 

There was a lull in their conversation and Mike stared out his window at the city feeling strangely unmoored. 

 

He could have blamed it on exhaustion and the long tour, he hadn’t slept a wink last night. But it wasn’t that, ever since his candid interview on the radio, he’d felt like he was slowly unravelling. 

 

“Mike, are you ok? You sound...distracted.” 

 

Mike tore his eyes from the window. “No, no, I’m fine. Sorry, just got distracted.” 

 

Lola paused for a moment. “Is...is there someone there with you?” 

 

Her strange tone didn’t register with Mike immediately. “What?”

 

“Am I...calling at a bad time?” 

 

“What?” Mike was startled. “No, no, of course not, I’m just...I’m tired that’s all.” Then the full meaning of Lola’s question hit home. His confusion morphed to anger. 

 

“Why would you think that I was with someone?” 

 

“Are you mad? It’d be cool with me you know. It’s not like I own you.  We’re both adults. We haven’t even been in the same state as the other these last three months.” 

 

“What? I...have you slept with someone else in the last three months?” 

 

“Jesus, no. I’d tell you if I had, why are you so angry?” 

 

“Because you just accused me of cheating on you-”

 

“You can’t cheat on me Mike, we’re in an open relationship.” 

 

Mike blinked. He plopped down on the edge of his bed trying to process the bombshell his girlfriend had just dropped on him. 

 

“What? We’re what?” He was getting tired of saying that. “We’re in an open relationship?”

 

“Of course we are honey.” 

 

“But I didn’t know...we never talked about it.” Mike was bewildered. “Is this a new dating rule I haven’t been told about? You’re presumed to be non-exclusive until proven otherwise?”

 

Lola laughed, “No, no it’s just the way it is. If I tried to slap a label on our relationship then we probably wouldn’t have made it past two months.” 

 

Mike was stunned. “I...I always thought of myself as a conventional guy Lola. Too old fashioned for something like an open relationship. I barely even understand how that works. What are the rules?” 

 

“There are no rules Mike. We see each other when we’re both in town. We have a good time together, then you’re off working and I’m back on the road.” 

 

“Have most of your relationships been...open?” 

 

Lola paused. “No, you’re the first one.” 

 

Mike processed this for a minute. “So the problem is me. Am I….do I come off as a commitment-phobe, or am I too much of a nerd to be full time boyfriend material?” 

 

Lola sighed, “No sweetie. You know exactly what the whole intense broody author thing does to us ladies. You being really good in the sack helps too. 

 

You’re just obsessed with your work. You don’t leave much room for anything else. And you like your space. Be honest, what is the longest relationship you’ve had with a woman?” 

 

Mike didn’t want to admit to her that theirs was the longest running relationship he’d had at that moment. 

 

“It’s not that easy to build a relationship when we’re separated all the time. Maybe when we’re back home we could try making more of an effort? Maybe I’ll even go on tour with you in July. I’ll help JJ out at the merch stand.” 

 

Lola laughed lightly, “Well that I gotta see.”

 

 

***

Mike had a book signing and an appearance at a small event at the Brooklyn Art Museum that day before he caught a taxi to the West Village around seven that evening to meet Will for dinner. 

 

Will kept apologising profusely for having to postpone dinner so many times. 

 

Mike had to assure him it was fine. Usually he would have stayed at Jonathan and Nancy’s apartment, but his sister and Jonathan were currently away on assignment and Mike would have felt strange sharing the small space with Mrs Byers. 

 

“She’s invited Hopper to spend Christmas day with us this year. How weird is that gonna be? Not weird-bad but weird blast from the past you know? Anyways I’m flying the next day to Hawkins the next day but it’s kinda a big deal. Next thing you know they’ll be moving in together...” 

 

Mike couldn’t really reconcile the fact that Will’s mom was dating Hawkin’s former police chief. He had mixed feelings about the man. 

 

Hopper had moved away so suddenly in ‘85, after everything that had happened, Mike couldn’t help but feel a bit abandoned by the guy. But Mike couldn’t ever blame him, he had saved his and his friends’ lives countless times. 

 

And really, who could blame the man for not wanting to live in a town where kids got possessed by shadow monsters and there were creatures going around eating the townspeople? 

 

Will must have noticed Mike was unusually silent during dinner. He nudged his elbow against Mike’s. “Hey. What’s up with you?” 

 

Mike looked over at his best friend. Nobody in Hawkins would have recognised the handsome man sitting beside him as the Zombie Boy who had been picked on by bullies his entire adolescent life. He was tall and broad shouldered, the California sunshine had left him with a healthy golden tan. His light brown hair was well-cut and styled so that it didn’t hide his startling blue eyes or his sharp cheekbones. 

 

Mike felt like a lanky, pasty vampire sitting next to him. 

 

“Nothing.” He picked at his seaweed salad listlessly. “Apparently I’m in an open relationship with Lola because I’m afraid of relationships.” 

 

“Huh?” 

 

Mike explained the morning’s telephone call with Lola to Will. When he finished, Will didn’t respond immediately, he just took a long drink of his beer. Mike felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. 

 

“You agree with her don’t you.” 

 

Will sighed and gave Mike a wary look. 

 

“I just don’t think you’ve met the right person yet that’s all.” 

 

“You think I have problems with being in a committed relationship?” 

 

“You have control issues.” Will stated plainly. “But so does Nancy, it’s fine.”

 

Mike didn’t feel like arguing the point with Will. Maybe he realised, deep down, that they were right. 

 

He’d always known something was a bit broken inside him, a little bit skewed, but he’d always thought he was in good company amongst the party. 

 

But he hadn’t realised how everyone had really moved on and how desperately he was still clinging on to the past. 

 

***

 

Mike decided to take the subway instead of sharing a cab with Will after dinner. 

 

He wanted to walk. 

 

He wandered aimlessly through the city for a while. He got a drink at a tiny hole in the wall jazz bar and listened to the band playing for a while. Then he bought an overpriced coffee from a tiny diner across the road. 

 

It was almost midnight when he decided to catch the last train back to his hotel. 

 

There were only a few people waiting for a train on the platform. There were a few tired looking shift workers on their way home and a group of noisy teenagers and a young woman sitting on a nearby bench. 

 

The woman’s glossy brown hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and she had a large pair of thick black glasses slipping down a cute button nose which was buried inside a worn and well-loved book. 

 

Mike realised with a start that she was reading his first novel. It was a rare first edition. His publisher had only printed a conservative 500 copies. There had been a printing issue and fthe raincoat on the small figure on the cover had turned out green instead of yellow. 

 

The sounds of a train approaching caused the woman to look up from her book. 

 

Mike’s breath caught in his throat. 

 

He couldn’t take his eyes of her as she closed the book and placed it carefully away in the handbag she was carrying, her movements precise and careful. 

 

She stood up, she slipped the straps of her handbag onto her shoulder and caught Mike’s gaze and froze. 

 

They both stood there on the platform unable to move or do anything else but stare at one another. 

 

Mike wondered if he was dreaming. 

 

He had been thinking about El so much these past few days that perhaps his mind had somehow conjured her to appear before him. 

 

But...she was El, but she wasn’t. 

 

The frightened little girl with a shaved head was gone. In her place was a beautiful woman with long brown hair, but those eyes, those eyes that were staring at him behind those black wire frames. 

 

El’s eyes. 

 

Mike felt his mouth stretch into a smile, and then he was beaming at her. 

 

_ She’s alive.  _

 

_ She’s ok.  _

 

_ She’s back.  _

 

He needed to touch her. He needed to hold her. 

 

He took a step towards her. 

 

The spell broke. El started like a frightened doe and bolted towards the train. 

 

“El! El!” 

 

Mike started after her but the train door slammed shut in his face with more force than was usual. 

 

“Shit!! Shit!” Mike slammed his fists against the train doors, barely noticing when the other passengers turned their heads to stare at the madman pounding on the side of the train and screaming. 

 

He tried to make a break for the next train carriage, but all the automatic doors were already closing. 

 

Mike pressed his frantically hands to the glass window where El was staring at him. “El! El! It’s Mike! Mike!” 

 

The train started to move. He moved with it, staring at her, desperately trying to take in every detail and commit it to memory, her sweet face, her wide eyes, the tears slipping silently down her pale cheeks, her pink sweater and the name-tag clipped to the front which read, ‘Jane.’ 

 

“I’ll find you El! El! I’ll find you!” 

 

She shook her head, he watched her mouth form the words,  _ Mike. No. _

 

Then there were two pairs of hands on his arms, pulling his hands away from the glass and heaving him off the side of the train. 

 

The train sped past him and disappeared into darkness. 

 

And she was gone. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading. Reviews and feedback is much appreciated.


End file.
